Holdout
by Neverending Downfall
Summary: Love is like war: easy to start, difficult to finish, and impossible to forget.


_"We'll meet again._

 _Don't know where,_

 _Don't know when,_

 _But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day."_

\- Vera Lynn, _"We'll Meet Again"_

* * *

 _You assured me that you would come home to my arms, eventually, 'as long as you had a reason to endure the torment to come.'_

 _Then why do you leave me waiting, long after the war has ended? Your suffering may have gone to the grave with you, but mine is still alive._

* * *

"Nico, you _promise_ that you'll keep me in your thoughts, right? You _promise_ that you'll come back in one piece, right? And _not_ in a wooden box?" It must have been the third time today that I let those same words slip through my lips - and we didn't even reach the train station yet.

My companion gave a long drawn-out sigh, shaking her head with a stupid grin plastered across her face. "How many times must you express your concerns in such a sullen manner? Smile for Super Idol Nico, my darling Maki, smile!" Her jovial façade didn't deceive me, though, nor did she probably expect it to: musings of the future and what it held plagued us both, ever since she notified me of her upcoming deployment to some Pacific island(s) I could not give a damn about. That was over a week ago, and now, war was beckoning her to depart for the front-lines.

Needless to say, Nico was well-aware of my distress; thus, she retained her optimism for my own sake and nothing more. "Don't be so concerned about such BS, and keep being the lovable redhead that I've come to cherish so much." Her arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer, just enough so that her soft lips could meet and give mine a peck. "Rest assured that I'll return, as long as I have a reason to endure the torment to come."

I mustered enough strength to smile back, albeit in a feeble manner. "I suppose so. Just don't keep me waiting for too long - I feel as if time passes by a lot more slowly without you beside me."

"You still have Hanayo and Rin to keep you company, though!" my girlfriend pointed out with a huff. "B-but don't get too comfortable with them while I'm gone, ok?!"

My eyebrows raised in amusement. "Whatever do you mean by that?~ Do you really believe that one of the girls will seize my heart by the time you return?" To Nico's chagrin, I suddenly scooped up her small frame (with some difficulty) and carried her as if we were newlyweds.

"H- _ **hey**_! What is the matter with you, Maki? Let me down this instant!" Her rosy cheeks flushed with intense embarrassment as both fists balled up and pummeled me, though her efforts immediately proved to be futile.

"You're so very irritable, Nico." I finally released her from my grasp and leaned in for another kiss.

"And _you_ really need to stop provoking me like that." She predictably obliged to my request, her lips meeting mine for the last time as she tightly embraced me in her arms.

* * *

Half a year eventually flew by (and may I add, a bit more quicker than I thought it would), and yet I still hadn't adjusted to the lack of her presence.

Despite how they all had something to preoccupy them - whether it's family, a career, whatever - my high school friends began to check up on me a lot more frequently. They must have realized how fragile my state of mind was, without _her_ by my side.

On this particular day, it just so happened to be that Kotori, Umi, and Honoka were passing by the neighborhood, and the three decided that they might as well pay me a visit while they were here.

After the trio seated and made themselves comfortable, they were taken aback - to say the least - when I gleefully revealed Nico's latest letter sent home, just a few days earlier. Receiving said letters didn't happen nearly as often as I would like, but each and every time, they never failed to soothe my bleeding heart.

Oh, how I yearn to hear her actual voice once more.

* * *

Another several months passed, albeit at a much slower pace, and this time I was truly on my own.

Almost everybody was increasingly hard-pressed into supporting the war effort with every inch of their being, no matter their situation, lest they were willing to relinquish all they had. My friends were no exceptions, and the few interactions I had with them weren't enough to hold me up.

I couldn't tell whether or not the war was coming to a satisfying conclusion, but it seems as if victory was within our grasp.

According to the radio, that is.

But didn't they already guarantee that a swift victory was inevitable, at the start of the war? It's dragging on far more longer than they promised, so I can not expect an "easy win."

Guess it'll be a damn long time before I see her again, huh?

* * *

An abrupt knock on the door detached me from my train of thoughts, and I groaned in frustration; my desire for socializing had all but evaporated by now.

However, the persistent rapping of knuckles irritated me to the point where I just stood up from the couch and furiously opened the door. A tearful Nozomi stood in the doorway, bundled up in a thick jacket and accompanied by a concerned Eli. I was dazed by the sudden hug, but even after I recovered from the shock, Nozomi received no affection from me in return.

"Oh Maki, I can't express how _regretful_ we are for failing to pay you a visit sooner." She dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, and a pang of realization struck me once I laid my eyes upon their bodies: both were visibly worn down by exhaustion.

"It's fine, neither of you are at fault for anything." I dismissed her apology with a wave of my hand. "The war is engrossing everyone's attention, so I understand how busy you must be."

Now it was Eli's turn to speak. "We look very miserable, huh?"

I let out a bitter laugh. "You two aren't the only ones who appear that way."

She shifted her gaze over to the ground, with a trace of hesitation on her face. "I'm so sorry, but we weren't granted a lengthy break. They only gave us enough time to check up on you, but that's all. However, we are incredibly relieved to see that you're still clinging on."

A tiny shrug was my only response, and although I was afflicted with guilt for my lack of companionship towards the two, I couldn't will myself to display anything more.

"We will come by again whenever the opportunity arises," Nozomi piped up. "Farewell, Maki, and take good care of yourself."

My eyes fixed on the couple as they began to walk off, but the moment before they turned the corner, Nozomi spun around and gave me an endearing, yet weak smile.

Despite the urge to return one, I merely nodded at her and slammed the door after they vanished from my sight.

They must have thought that I was devoid of all emotion.

* * *

Before I knew it, two agonizing years have come and gone.

Two damn years since Nico left for the battlefield, five months since my last conversation with friends (namely Hanayo and Rin), six months since Nico last wrote to me... and four weeks since I last stepped out of my house. The skies above the city were frequently buzzing with enemy activity, so it wasn't like I could actually leave without willingly endangering myself.

Nor did I care enough to leave.

I could only pray that _she_ was in a more favorable situation, but with no letters to reassure me of her well-being and nobody to console me whenever I was inflicted with bouts of depression, there was nothing I could do to preserve my positivity.

* * *

Air raids are beginning to occur at a more prevalent rate, and if that doesn't hint at the tide turning against us, I haven't the slightest clue about what will.

To be honest though, I wouldn't actually mind if Death was casting over me at this very moment; what remained of my optimism extinguished a long time ago.

* * *

Today was only marking the first of _those_ kinds of mornings - mornings when I would awaken with the unfounded belief that _she_ was laying right next to me. My arms would always reach out to envelop her with a warm hug -

\- only for them to fall onto crisp sheets, frigid to the touch and with nobody tucked beneath them.

Before she boarded the train, she locked her eyes onto mine, firmly clasped my hands, and compelled me to swear that I'll never weep over such "ridiculous things as her call to duty", and I managed to hold onto that vow.

Until now.

For the first time since her departure, a series of wails wracked through my body as I mourned for a life that would've been, could've been - _should've been_ \- but _**never was**_.

My sobs resonated throughout the halls.

* * *

By the time the war finally comes to an overdue conclusion, I've already endured four bleak years of mostly solitude; it was also at this time that the common people (me included) heard His Majesty's voice for the first time, during a radio broadcast announcing the nation's surrender.

As Rin had predicted at our last meeting, we were not even close to being among the victorious.

That couldn't be any more evident than pulling aside the blinds one morning, only to be greeted by the sight of a handful of foreign troops, clad in sage green and sauntering along the walkway.

I would cry for my country's mortifying defeat, but my beloved's eventual return was all that I could focus on.

* * *

My hope for a promising future was revived, but as the months passed by without a word concerning her fate, it dwindled away once again.

So did my will to cling onto life.

* * *

Another dream, and it's the last one for me.

It was that same train station where she bid me farewell, vowing that we would meet again someday.

That was over two decades ago, and the only reasons I kept going for this long were my seven friends and their continuous support, up until the very end.

The promised reunion never came to fruition, but ultimately it has caught up in my final moment.

* * *

My heart skipped a beat as she stepped off the train platform, and although she seemed to be nothing more than a shadow of her former self, I immediately recognized her as the same girl that I fell head over heels for, many years earlier.

And yet, how drastically she has changed over time: her eyes, dark-ringed from being deprived of sleep, were devoid of life and clouded with fatigue; her uniform was tattered and covered with specks of dirt, and her once-smooth hair, unruly.

But there was no mistaking her.

I dashed towards her direction with all the strength I could muster, and in the process, I collided with people and curtly apologized for my reckless behavior.

My legs ached and screamed that they lacked the stamina to travel much farther, but I didn't heed their warnings. The opportunity to release all my emotions had been denied all this time - but that will no longer be the case.

A stream of tears threatened to spill out as I called for my darling.

 _ **"NICO! ! !**_

 _ **NICO! ! !"**_

 _ **NICO! ! !"**_

And when my hoarse cries finally reached her ears, she hastily spun around to face me.

I could've sworn that, as her grip gradually loosened on the straps of her gear, a glimmer of light returned to her previously dreary eyes.


End file.
